[!]

I hate the shore

2010-02-15T13:21:00.004+05:30

Un encumbered is the way to live
Do good to them who don't expect any
Sometimes we get more when we give

To be surrounded by the people who are dear
Is a joy not replaceable with money or fame
And recognize that life is not that easy to steer

Let go, and let the current take you out
For the shore is the real enemy
Vitality lies in striving and yes, failing

Now I look back at the shore
I am all wet and full of scars
Sometimes I barely stay above

But, an entire world lies unexplored
And the shore is now my enemy
Cause, to spend your life on the shore
Is never to have lived at all

Secso to El Camino: A Sunday Rant

2009-09-27T23:44:00.003+05:30

I know I know.... I have a ton of reading to do, plus the finance and probability homework, but today is one of the rare occassions I feel urged to write.

Okay so the latest is I can cook, thanks to the amazing American civilization this once befuddled confused young man can make dal, rajma, sabzi, roti, chai and more. He also does his own dishes and his laundry. Self sufficiency is awesome, well perhaps I haven't attained that yet as my dad is paying my tution but all in good time I hope...

This is one of the rare occassions when the outcome of the event was comparable to my initial pangs of desire. I must say that I was a desparate dog in the weeks before it happened, at the same time the bone was juicy, chewy and delicious.

If there was a phrase that would define my place in life, it would be "not just yet". I can see people living the life that I want, you can almost feel it, smell it, hear it but not live it "not just yet". For once the world seems unexplored, the possibilities limitless and experiences that are completely new.

I wonder what Santiago felt like when he first came to the Newcastle Club, I wonder what Karan felt like when he reached the Indian Military Academy.....

Best Piece from my other Blog

2009-03-28T10:37:00.003+05:30

http://dailybakchodi.wordpress.com/2008/06/03/6-things-i-learnt-in-my-first-year-on-the-job/

HAWGIS Done!!

2009-03-28T00:22:00.003+05:30

After a serious bout of lonliness, crappiness, shittiness and in general Dip2 of Life, HAWGIS works out. Next up.. HAWGAG, because as I said, mujhe paisa and pyaar chahiye.

Moved

2008-06-03T12:03:00.002+05:30

This blog has moved. See you at the new place.
And yes, if you missed the link,
I did'nt put it.

Sigh...

2008-05-08T19:08:00.002+05:30

Watch This

You say you want
Diamonds on a ring of gold
You say you want
Your story to remain untold

But all the promises we make
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you

You say youll give me
A highway with no one on it
Treasure just to look upon it
All the riches in the night

You say youll give me
Eyes in a moon of blindness
A river in a time of dryness
A harbour in the tempest
But all the promises we make
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you

You say you want
Your love to work out right
To last with me through the night

You say you want
Diamonds on a ring of gold
Your story to remain untold
Your love not to grow cold

All the promises we break
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you

You...all I want is...
You...all I want is...
You...all I want is...
You...

Fuck The System !!

2008-05-03T16:34:00.005+05:30

This is what I read in the TOI, today. It totally echoes my sentiments on the shitty business of getting a decent education in India. I studied in a college ranked just after the IIT, which was 100 times as shitty as the latter. This artificially jacked up scarcity power which the iit/iims have is also bullshit. I would rank the education provided there, as nowhere close to a top 10 US univ. Which brings me to what I had to say.

Looking at the stupidity of it all, I have decided Not to study for CAT. It just isn't worth it, spending so much time striving for something which you most probably might not achieve. Studying for cat doesn't build on the resume, doesn't help me loose weight, doesn't help me land chicks, takes time away from playing badminton, going on trips, watching movies and reading books. All activities, which, from a purely economics/probability standpoint lead far greater dividends than studying for cat. I never liked lotteries anyway and I sure as hell won't be make the same mistake twice ( remember JEE anybody ).

I've begun to loathe the undeserved and misunderstood attention petty journos like Barkha Dutt give to iim's in tv debate shows. Yucckk, Belccchhh.

Altruistic presumtious vexed bachelor's conceptions and expectations on the sacred ritual of male female bonding as sanctioned by society

2008-04-29T23:24:00.003+05:30

Debashish:

5:07 PM some from your dept will be going for mba

me: ?

Debashish: k*?

me: naa

5:09 PM no way

Debashish: no i was just asking

usko shaadi karna hai kya

me: nope

Debashish: are yar bandi ke saath ghumta rehta hain

5:10 PM kuch to zaroor hain

dono mein

me: casual romance

Debashish: romance casual hota hai kya

then dont call it romance

me: bilkul

surge of hormones and all that

5:11 PM Debashish: hmm.........

intersting

me: yaar men are lust driven creatures,and its not that women are ideal

Debashish: but feelings are intense in case of hormonal affairs

Debashish: woh to samjha yar

me: they have vested interests too

5:12 PM money

stability

etc

Debashish: lekin lust is behind the very social structure of our family

hmmm....in mein se what things are playing in this case?

me: then lets redefine romance

Debashish: ya

5:13 PM me: a symbiotic relationship, lasting more than few months or years, mutually beneficial to both parties

Debashish: is it?

me: after which an exponential decay curve

is shown by the "love" graph

Debashish: may not be mututally beneficial

5:14 PM and may not decay exponentially

me: only when it is mutual

will it be romance

otherwise its lust

or crush

Debashish: no i dissent on the point of mutual benefit

feelings may be mutual

5:15 PM but beneficiary may be one or none

suppose you r in love

and u spend time dreaming

and flunk

is that beneficial?

me: yes

because its a demand and supply market

5:16 PM if you demand love

and get it

flunking is just a side effect

same as obesity

is a side effect

of eating tasty food

Debashish: hmm.....well when the main movie is ur life..........flunking is not the side effect

5:17 PM in fact flunking may cause the end of ur love life

me: yeah it might

Debashish: as no woman likes a loser

so u see

me: yeah that is also true

Debashish: its a negative feedback loop

me: but it was good while it lasted

as soon as it wasnt good

it was broken off

Debashish: ya only a glitch in the waveform of time

5:18 PM me: well

its all demand, supply

companies

or men

5:19 PM have to remain competitive

to get what they want

Debashish: hmm

me: and women must remain sexy

in other cases

women enter into contracts

which makes them a monopoly on the man

Debashish: do u think sexiness actually leads to amorous relationships before the wedlock

me: before and after

5:20 PM Debashish: hmm...........even in case of our case-studies?

me: definitely

Debashish: grt

then its certainly beneficial

me: girls must be sexy

men must be rich

or powerfull

5:22 PM Debashish: let K and A enjoy when they are done with such temporary lust is over they can brk off........find some ppl who they can tolerate their entire life and live indifferently ever after.....or is it some other happy ending?

me: yaar

there is no happy ending

the thing is

marriage is not a free market

5:23 PM there is only one supplier

and buyer

and vice versa

Debashish: hmm

me: hence ppl can't choose

imagine

only one brand of shoes in the world

5:24 PM u can only be happy if you make sure

that the company who is making that shoe

is transparent

efficient

and gives good quality

Debashish: i think if u marry someone bcoz u r overwhelmed by her sexiness ................soon ur partner's face wil blur out

5:25 PM if ther is only 1 brand there can never be all those things which will make u happy

me: exactly

no happiness

unless you invest in the other person

5:26 PM let me rephrase

Debashish: try modeling marriage in some other way

me: bf/gf does not imply caring love

marraige necessitates it

Debashish: ok

me: in order to be happy

Debashish: thats more correct

5:27 PM also u need to pretend to be caring to ascertain extent(meaning pretend u love someone more than u actually do)...to fit into social conception of happy family

5:28 PM ur behavior s highly modified in this respect by social expectations

me: yeah

Debashish: so if u have married someone whom u hate after 10yrs

5:29 PM then u console urself saying that it happens to everyone

me: hahaha

Debashish: and who knows it might just

bcoz no one's telling

5:30 PM chal bahaut fundu batein ho gayi

ab snacks karna hain

me: we should publish a paper

yeah

Debashish: ya

good idea

5:32 PM theories on altruistic presumtious vexed bachelor's conceptions and expectations on the sacred ritual of male female bonding as sanctioned by society

kaisa rhega

title ?

me: awesome

Debashish: :)

The Shark in My Tank

2008-04-26T14:21:00.002+05:30

Sometimes while climbing up, stop looking at the 'insurmountable', pause, look down from where you came from. And have a beer, with the cool wind blowing in your face.

-Ajitpal Singh
circa 2008

Song of the Day

2008-04-25T09:07:00.003+05:30

Running beneath the scorching sun at 8 o'clock today, only one song came to mind. From the City of Angels Soundtrack.

Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Doesn't Seem Like Yesterday

2008-04-20T12:15:00.003+05:30

Irony!

One year back, we were taking pictures, so that we would have something to look back upon when we became famous millionaires or started a successful business or researched something groundbreaking. We had that glint in our eyes and there wasn't a doubt that the world was for the taking. The grass was greener, the air was cooler.

Then something happened. We got a job!

The rest, they say, was history

(to find out what happened, see http://gandalfgreyheme.blogspot.com/2007/10/nothing-is-all-and-all-is-nothing.html
and, http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/john-hodge.html)

Wishing you all a very nice weekend.

A Rush Of Blood To The Head

2008-04-07T22:06:00.001+05:30

Its the 6th of April 2008 at Calcutta's domestic departure terminal and my flight is three hours late. Its about as boring as any day waiting for a flight at a very shoddy airport. I stretch and slump in a very uncomfortable AAI waiting seat. Reading a book seems a nice proposition, though only in theory. Within half an hour of trying to understand why Starbucks coffee is so overpriced and some general dope on how scarcity of resources work, I give in to my tiredness. Then I try some new dvd I picked up in the China market in Baghdogra a couple of days back.

I had begun to quite enjoy Nicholas Cage's character in the family man, when I was whisked off to a complementary meal at one of the aai's lounge resteraunts. That it is when I saw her. She was wearing a kind of Dominatorix type black dress, her white skin giving striking contrast at the same time. We passed smiles for a brief moment, then I fumbled a bit and called Abhishek to tell him how the flight became delayed and did some general small talk. I could have started chatting with her, but I didn’t. She was sitting at the table near mine, the both of us exchanging glances every once in a while.

The exchange of glances, kept on till we boarded. This time again, she was on the row ahead of me, and I kept imagining ways and lines with which to start a conversation. The flight landed, she looked expectantly at me for a little while, but I would either look down or away whenever she looked at me. All this while, adrenalin pumped through my whole body. I couldn’t think or breathe. Its called the fight or flight syndrome in the animal kingdom. We were nearby for almost all the while till she met her folks at the exit of the airport. But, I couldn’t say a word.

Its like trying your first dive in the pool. You freeze, you can’t breathe and your head feels ready to explode. Time as you know it comes to total stop and an eternity passes by. Many people leave the diving for another day and relieve themselves of the stress. This is exactly what I did. I am no psychologist, but the combination of having studied in a mostly boys college, focused mugging in school, my extra pounds and a very poor social circle, has pushed me into a sort of inferiority complex. This is not the first time I have backed out, but its getting increasingly painful with each encounter. I see people around, famous flirts and socially adept. I see the pathetic ness of it all and it just reinforces this complex. The vicious circle starts all over again.

Last night I thought about this a lot. These virtual walls which I erect around me are taking their toll. I seek redemption, I seek a bolt of lightening, I seek a favorable roll of the dice. I don’t believe much in the guy above. But I do believe that the he must be having a good laugh, sipping his scotch while sitting on the greens at a 12 hole course.

Senapati

2008-03-19T11:15:00.003+05:30

Maharana : Senapati, jaao aur unko hamare saamne pesh karo.
( after drooling at some girls while watching roadies)

Senapati : But sarkaar, how will I go there? I have been asking you to get a flying Langoor like that dude Ram has.

Maharana : Is saal budget tight hai, aap chitra kali to uthane, swayam hi BMTC pe jaayein, aapki travel expense hum reimburse kar denge.

Senapati : What? Is saal to mujhe commissions bhi nahi mili. Plus I don't even like those chicks. I have a good mind to go and work for Vijay Mallya.

Maharana : Kya? Tumhare mu se bhagawat ki boo aa rahi hai.

Senapati : Thats just because aaj maine brush nahi kiya hai.

.........blah blah

The thread on unanswered questions

2008-01-16T19:30:00.000+05:30

Just the other day, I was watching the critically acclaimed movie "Wallstreet". And I must confess early on, that I do not understand much about the way stocks work, going short, long, liquidation, etc are non existent in my vocabulary. The few months I have spent working, finding a place to stay, going to office, getting involved in an accident, and basically being involved in the yada yada and yip yap of everyday life, I have understood one thing, that money is important. It isn't that important though to write algorithms based on statistical investing principles on the weekends to make money for myself.

The one pressing question the movie leaves you with is, "how much is enough?". Coming from the old-school I am one of the people who just about realize that it is important and do the needful so that life runs smoothly. But I know people for whom the more money you have would equate to the more successful you are. On an analogous front, they look at their friend's mates, lovers etc and term their relationship successful on the basis of their physical beauty.

I personally get irritated when I hear such judgments which are based on the others definition of success. But somewhere amongst all the talk of pay packages, perks, hikes, five star hotels, dinner at fancy places, I feel totally lost. The energy I had when I came here has waned off for lack of stimulating work. What excites me most are new experiences and not grey and damp cubicles and hour long traffic jams. The question of money again arises, can I afford to let go of everything and go away, learn something new? How, then will I fund my studies?

And then the train of questions flood the mind, But can a 2/5 life work? Am I just cribbing or is there something missing? Am I burnt out or am I just not passionate any more?

My mind is oscillating between the philosophy of "trainspotting" and "fight club" on one hand and "Only the Paranoid Survive" on the other. I only hope that it comes to rest somewhere in the middle in the days to come.

Life Cubed == Life by Three

2007-12-21T22:56:00.000+05:30

Morning Coffee, Caffeine Kick
Long Run, Feel Good
Hot Bath, Mama's Boy

Rush Out, Keep Appearances
Hit the Road, Stuck in time
Reach fucked, Start Work

Labour Work, Good Pay
Southie Gravy, Miss home
High fundu meeting, half shut eye

Pack up, Lock PC
Manager Talk, Weekend Fucked
Start Over, Blame God

If you ever wonder who you are on a fucked up friday night, then you will get me. Performance, motivation, credibility, team play, staying the in the loop, management talk, A world of close acquaintances, but no friends. A world with money, but no time. A world with taxi's, but no roads. A world of counting others lakhs, A world of despondency.

The Bang Way of Life

2007-12-06T17:15:00.000+05:30

yada yada, yip yap.

Looking forwards and backwards

2007-11-16T23:42:00.000+05:30

" Here I am, lost in the ashes of time, but who owns tomorrow?
In between the longing to hold you again
I'm caught in your shadow, I'm losing control
My mind drifts away, we only have today

Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go I will find my way
I will sacrifice 'til the blinding day when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow"

This song by INXS says it all, problem is there was no-one to hold and is not. I never had today and may never. Even so, I wish I could go back, get a second chance and I wish I'd get it right this time. And yes, I am losing control.

A few months ago, two roads diverged, I took one, forgot about the other and felt lucky. Now, there is no turning back, but I will always think, "what if". Where will this road lead me to? Will I succumb or will adapt to the wilderness? Will I finally become a man or Will I continue being the lost boy?

All we need is Bait

2007-10-21T22:45:00.000+05:30

Today is the last day in this set of holidays for me, and I have to go back to a really hectic work life again. Things to learn, people to impress, blah blah.

Somehow, I feel like a life being wasted when I stay back late in office or when I work in the weekends. Its something which I know will come good but for some reason fills me up with a bit of dread. I had been fighting this feeling for the past 2 months, and now finally I think I have figured out how to avoid it.

I've noticed that I can work more and importantly work more happily, if there is something to look forward to after work, some bait. And it cannot ever be a binge beer session at a pub. It must be something which helps one grow and nurture oneself. Gluttony almost always results in guilt later on, hence now I fail to see the point. Some of the things that really make it enjoyable and leave me with a sense of fulfillment are :

1. Badminton/Running
2. Weekend Travelling.
3. Meeting old friends.
4. Learning something new, mastering some scale on the guitar for eg
5. Reading , haven't been doing much of this.
6. Blogging , ditto.

And the following are things which I will from here on in, try to pursue :

1. Random Photography.
2. Rowing or Swimming.
3. Watch more movies.

As Ateesh, would say, Kill Mundane !!

The stupid chat on : beauty

2007-10-17T23:00:00.000+05:30

Abhishek : beauty is skindeep but noone says that about ugliness. Whys that?

Me : Would you call, Mayawati a gorgeous person in reality?

Abhishek : but is she a good person?

I wish middha goes to work under her...

Me : Wow, that would make an awesome twosome.

Abhishek :

nahi, she used to call ias officers to her home in morning and while brushing, used to spit around them ,

like those cowboys in westerns shot near the feet of their rivals

Me : Would you say Jayalalitha is beautiful?

Abhishek :

i mean come on! Ugh. I won't want to be anywhere around her

Jaya lalita used to be beautiful, i believe. Someone said she was mgr's gf

bt i m not sure abt that. These south ki eroines are bloody bhaains

Me : Ok, lets do this differently, would you say Kareena Kapoor is ugly.

Abhishek : no, but she' isn't beautiful either. But thaen i should not say that. I am not really "beautiful " myself, am i?

Me : are you a boy or a girl?

Abhishek : i am a guy. you need to ask?

Me : how can men be beautiful?

Abhishek :

mm.. i dunno. That's why i am not

beautiful

_______________________________________THE END_____________________

I am not running tomorrow, what's the point now anyway.

That feeling

2007-10-06T12:35:00.001+05:30

I feel it too, this feeling.

Am I Back?

2007-10-02T16:04:00.000+05:30

Greetings, It seems that I am back, Am I really back? It seems time will tell.

The past few months have gone by in the blink of an eye. Most of times I feel like traveling back in time to my sleepy college and kill time the old fashion'ed way. Times have changed since, now things don't stop, thing's don't slow. Each day brings with it, its own crisis, its own celebration and all is forgotten by the next morning. Resolutions are set and most are broken. I set course for success, but I don't know where I am going anymore.

This was just an excuse to say Hi, hopefully you'll see more of me around. How have you been?

Koi Thikana Dila Do

2007-07-16T22:29:00.000+05:30

After one week in Bangalore, I have no hesitation in saying, that I am one very fucked up person right now. My feet ache from all the walking, and I can't find a decent place to stay. I've just recovered from a cold and my cash is running low and so is my patience. Not many people will post some stupidity at 11 in the night from their office, but its the only place I can tolerate sitting in right now. Hungry, thirsty, tired and homesick aptly describe my state of being right now.

I guess this will be the only blog post until I find a place to stay and get my life back on track.

He Wants You

2007-07-07T14:51:00.001+05:30

Do you want to spend the rest of your life selling sugared water or do you want a chance to change the world?

The Big Yawn!!

2007-07-07T11:53:00.001+05:30

Just wanted to get it out in the world, my room is not enough to keep this yawn inside. I am so bored, I am so lazy and I am so sleepy.

YAAAAWWWWWWNNNN!!!

Intimidated by coffee shops

2007-07-03T23:00:00.000+05:30

Yes folks, I finally admit to the fact that I am terrified of the CCD's of today. I do not have the nerve to go and have coffee there and often don't understand why people like those places at all. Today, I treated a friend at a nearby ccd, and like always I noticed that most of the crowd in a ccd, well at least in Delhi, is very intimidating. Lets take this young kid for example, chain over the un tucked shirt, ring in the ear, flashy gold watch, sitting with his equally flashy gang of school going boys. This is the type of person, I thoroughly dislike being in the vicinity of. But that is the type of crowd more seen in these places (read coffee shops). I am more comfortable say, in a pub which has good music on, and more often than not I find the crowd there more civilized.

You would like to believe, that the people who frequent a booze joint would be more extravagant than the coffee freaks, but I have a theory against this, for this I will take two types of people, the first bunch are the college going kids from sarkari backgrounds (income tax ppl excluded), we don't usually have the money for 40/- ki coffee and frankly we'd prefer chai over coffee. The other set of people I take are the young upwardly mobile working class, these people are however so fed up of the American make coffee machines at their work places and so fed up at not being able to get a decent cup of tea have developed a total antipathy towards coffee. This leaves only the affluent class young kids, who when not binge drinking or doing chemical drugs at some nightclub, go to these coffee places for a casual chat. The reader may please remember, that the rest of us chat on places similar to a park bench (non air conditioned you see). When we do go out for a drink, I tend to find people who have taken time off from work on a weekend and are enjoying with their other friends who are also working and NOT living extravagantly on their DAD's bottomless trunks of money.

Maybe I am just pissed off by these people, maybe they intimidate me, one things for sure, I prefer a beer over coffee anyday. Then again maybe I am wrong or maybe I just don't give a shit.

Aspirations

2007-06-27T21:15:00.000+05:30

Aspiration- a will to succeed

The one thing that I keeps bugging and egging me is the fact, that it is a really big world out there, full of wonders, man made and otherwise. Its a world filled with great music, great food, great bikes, great sportscars, gorgeous women, it is also a world rife with hunger, famine, loneliness, wars and utter hopelessness. So where do my aspirations fit into all this? What should they try to achieve? Will I succeed?

These are the questions that I keep asking myself and have no decent answer yet, and yet aspirations are all I ever think of, when I look at an able man, I aspire to be like him, when I look at a beautiful home, I think of how I am going to build mine, when I look at poverty, I think of ways in which I can help, when I look at an awesome guitarist, I aspire to play well someday, when I look the foreign univs, I hope to someday be in a top class one, I also hope to help my undergrad college in someway....I could go on and on and on

The thing about having so many aspirations, that tangibility becomes a problem, every singular aspiration takes years to culminate, yet I don't think I will ever have enough, ever. Why am I writing this? I don't know, I could have just written, "I will never have or do enough". But the feeling, is not that simple, but I keep telling myself, that as long as that feeling is there, I am going to be allright, as long as I don't tire myself of my own dreams, as long as I can dream....

Hair to Bare

2007-06-15T10:45:00.000+05:30

For the past couple of weeks, before I postponed my US plans, my family was stuck in a difficult row about letting me cut my hair or not. Now when I say hair, I mean the works, my long and 'silky smooth' hair on the head and those on the face. After months of persuasion, my parents had finally agreed to let me cut my hair, but during a detailed discussion, the negotiations hit a dead end.

As it happens, my mom wouldn't let me cut the moustache. She thinks of a man without a moustache to hardly be a man at all. And all my reminders about Brad Pitt and her favourite heroes fell on deaf years. At that time, the "to be or not to be" question was whether to keep all of the hair, or the cut most and leave a moustache behind. The latter seemed rather unacceptable to me. This got me thinking, what is it with moustaches and manly hair. Is the hair supposed to make you manly or is 'manliness' an inherent hair quality? Or more importantly, what do chicks dig? Do they like us with the hair or without? Or is it, that some chicks like hairy men and some chicks loathe them? I have put these questions into the set of questions to which I might never find the answers.

To my relief, the question of baring it all has been postponed for a while. This time it'll be the whole turban charade? Oh yes, baby, I am going corporate. And while I figure out ways of getting filthy rich(er), you can tell me all about what you think of this hairy topic.

I am 21

2007-06-04T18:02:00.000+05:30

And I am just getting started..

(inspired from link )

A Status Message!!

2007-05-31T23:26:00.000+05:30

Duniyawaalon, aaj main engineer ban gaya hoon. Aur Maa Kasam, ab main tum subse chun chun ke badla lunga, maine chaar saal ki sazaa poori kar li hai, aur mujhe "no dues" bhi mil gaya hai.

Bach ke rehna, hum Bawana Ke Laundon se, kyonki jab bachha rota hai, tub maa kehti hai, "sooja beta, nahin to bawana ke launde, ek faadu sa circuit banadenge jo teri awaaz ki noise ko cancel ker dega aur duniyaa ki koi maa apne bete ka rona sun nahin payegi" (Ok, bad one, I know !!)

The Last Bench

2007-05-19T22:39:00.000+05:30

No, I am not talking about the back benches of the class room. I am talking about the last bench I sat on in college.

Today on 19th May 2007, I sat on a classroom bench in my college for the last time, a class full of final year people who were just itching to get pass marks in their final paper and get up and run away. We had previously thought of some ways in which we would have liked to mark the day, one suggestion was to give the exam in our knickers, yet other wanted to mix vodka with water. As it turns out, these plans failed (as usual) and we finished with a whimper. But in the few days I that I still have remaining in the hostel, I will make all attempts to climb the tnp tower and drink on the very top.

The evening saw extremely fierce winds and rain in the hostel, and the guys in the 1st floor, unstapeled their notes and let them fly in the wind, the sight which resulted was simply breathtaking, the sad and beautiful climax to our fraud theory exams.

Its over~~~sigh!!

Pain

2007-05-06T11:03:00.000+05:30

Check this on Arant Sir's blog.

I completely agree.

Engineers and Women

2007-04-28T00:12:00.000+05:30

A casual glance at the post title and some clearly apparent contradictions would arise in your brain. And let me make it clear, whatsoever the title may convey, I acknowledge that there are women engineers in existence as well. The definition of 'women' might start get a little sketchy at that point, but please make do, for now we'll be focus sing on engineers and women as separate entities. ( I was never that good at set theory anyways....)

I can safely say, that after four years of engineering school, I turned out to be a 'chip off the old block'. Not only was I unable to make any girlfriends, but casual social interactions with people of the opposite sex became increasingly difficult. Okay, maybe I should talk in terms of 'we' from here on, because its better to be a looser in a group, than all alone. So, as I was saying, our total ineptitude to talk anything comprehensible with the opposite sex has put us in a spot.

Safely tucked away in the boys hostel, we remain safe, we remain happy. We play, we eat, we drink, we sleep, we basically have a good time. On the few occasions when we pool in money for petrol and make that journey to PVR Priya for a movie( a 30 something km drive), we are left dumbfounded. Our brains, hang up like overloaded computers, some duck like ostriches and feel safe, some forget to close their mouths, and a lot of collective sighs are heard. More or less, our partly Rs 50/- tickets redeem their value even before the movie starts. And at the end of the day, happy men with broad smiles turn into insecure boys who can't stop wondering why their life is so sad.

Now, I finally understand why the top tech schools of the country produce people who create new technologies, start great companies and basically kick ass. These people didn't know anything about how to impress women, and given their technical backgrounds they scheme and think long term. They think perhaps, saying " Hi, I am the CEO of a multi-million dollar industry at the young age of 25" to some woman would impress her, probably they are right, but I am pretty sure this line is actually not tried out that often. Its worse for the firangs, Feynman didn't have his parents to arrange a marriage with some beautiful damsel. Damn, that must have left him with so many problems. As if developing the atomic bomb wasn't stressful enough.

Like "Black Holes", "holy grails" etc, "women" too categorize as mysterious entities in my/our world. However you can be sure, that we will conduct studies, conduct tests on Ginnie pigs, derive equations to close this huge gap in our understanding of how the world works(read women), anything except actually going and talking to one.

Wings of Faith

2007-04-25T13:16:00.000+05:30

Causality my friends.... is a bitch!!

It stops us from experiencing what is real, it keeps defining our future and obscures the present. It makes you pretend to be something you are not. It loads us with so much baggage that we stop looking at what lies straight ahead.

I wish I could give you examples here, but it would ruin the flow, so you'll just have to think yourself.

Each one of us has that something, called "gut feeling", we might not know what a "gut" is, but we do know all about that feeling. But causality obcures all, it replaces this feeling with pragmatism, lond term planning, scarifice your today for your tomorroe. Chances are if you don't like what you are doing today, you are gonna hate it tomorrow.

Why can't we just, say "fuck it" and get on with our lives. Why do we keep fulfilling expectations. Why do we keep delivering results. What stops us from taking that one leap of faith.

You guessed it, "fear of rejection", its a feeling we have all known and by now and slowly converts us into being comfortable in that masochistic mentality.

You might contest this with, "uncertainty". But really, is life that certain? We all know and conveniently forget the one certainity that is true in life. That is "death", you know it gonna come. Again, so why don't we say "fuck it" and get on with our lives. Why do we keep oscillating in that metastable state all the time. Why were'nt we listening to the lyrics when he was shouting about "exorcising your demons".

To quote Tyler Durden, " We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off "

I write this, before taking a very possible "Leap of Faith" in my near future. Wish me Luck!!

Hey Life

2007-04-09T22:05:00.000+05:30

Hey Life, Listen up, hold on. You're going too fast and no matter what I do (or don't do) you never slow down. I wish I could I pause you for a while and appreciate all that you are to me. I know that the best of you is yet to come, and I hope you keep getting better with age, like fine wine. I promise to keep up, I promise not to lag behind, but promise me that you'll be good to me, cause all I want is to be happy. Thanks for being there, thanks for being fair, because it is exactly that for which I care.

Slapped again....

2007-03-24T14:18:00.000+05:30

Project HAWGIS has failed. "How Ajit will get into stanford".

Not only that UCB,UCLA,UMich all have been cruel enough to do the same.

Fuck this shit, its not worth it, after acing the gre( yes I did ), after so much sacrifice. All I get is nothing.

Project HAWGAG never even began, don't know if it ever will.

The feeling is familiar, it tugs hard from the bottom of the stomach. The feeling of hopelessnes and despair, the feeling of "why me?". I am cold again and comfortably numb.So all in all you see folks, I too am just another frsutrated asshole.

Feel so..., so.... Dead Inside

2007-03-13T21:07:00.000+05:30

Doing, walking, smiling, faking
I feel so dead inside

-Bruce Lee Mani, TAAQ

Now, I too feel the same way. I just figured out something a couple of days back and only then did I realise that ignorance is bliss. A couple of weeks back , a double murder story came in the papers. The family was that of a recently retired Army (armoured regt) officer. The servant killed the "nani" then the "pota" and was about to kill the girl, before she ran away and the gaurds caught him. This guy had been working for this family for 5 years. This shook me, specifically because my dad is in the army, I can so completely relate to other fauji families. A few more tidbits of news had surfaced earlier, the "nithari" killings for eg. And Today, I had gone to the airtel main office to get my training diary signed, my friend had come along to see if he could trace his lost cellphone. There was a guy there with a policeman, so my friend asked him if he had also lost his cellphone. His reply was that he had lost wife and kid, not his cellphone. I recall, he was smiling as he said this.

This had been the theme of thoughts for a few days, and the more I thought about it, I realised that human life is meaningless. It meant "Zilch". The other guy's I mean. It does not take a lot to kill a man, and the world does not slow down for anyone. Acts of rage, acts of cold blood, its all the same. I have also realised that there is no greater meaning to our lifes. Just another "person" in the pool of "furiously breeding" hundred crores of Indians. Zoom out, and we are just like the ant colonies in your backyard. At the end of the day, they are "just ants". All that we can do is to use our brains and to strive to make our lives secure. And, it all boils down to security, it had always been about security, my education,the Engineering degree @ DCE, the quest for the "Umreecan Master's", the maruti inplace of the bike, etc etc. I finally get it, for the people working for a few years in "developed" countries, its not about the money. Its about a decent life, a complete life, a life in which you don't have to witness the endless struggle for survival, a life in which you don't have to think all the things I am thinking, A life of bliss. Yes, that's what I too long for. I too am just another "person" just trying to be.

Lazy Ass, Wild Ass, Jack Ass

2007-03-10T11:26:00.000+05:30

I should warn the unsuspecting reader that this post has been motivated by nothing at all and has no spiritual meaning, is not a literary marvel and does not offer the reader anything by way of meaningfulness.

To start with things here is a picture of the Asian Wild Ass.

Just look at him, the sun shining off his coat. Look at all that well groomed hair, those graceful and velvety ears. And how can you miss those dreamy eyes. Ladies and Gentlemen, that is the real Mc Coy.

The topic of discussion is rather loosely titled lazy ass. By now, however you must have realised that I am not one. Neither am I one going by "casual" day to day usage of the term, because I googled this image, saved it to my PC and then uploaded it here, surely this is not something a lzy ass would do. Now, if you take the literal meaning of the term, then I am obviously eliminated from that category because I am a homo sapein, or something in the close vicinity. I however do not refer to rather gross (yet the most functional) part of the human body. But, I will leave you with a quote on that at the end.

Time and again, people have accussed me of being a lazy ass. And time and again I have accepted this title. But, everyone nowadays claims his right over the "lazy ass" term, and I must admit, it does not leave a lot of room for indivisuality. So today, on a balmy Saturday morning I hereby crown myself as an "Asian Wild Ass". Aaah! .... it feels so much better now. Now I can look down upon all of you conformists and cliched non-conformists, while you look upon me with awe and simulataneous pity.

Come to think of it, asses are pretty hard workers. They are known to carry phenomenonal loads for long durations. I remember all those fat aunties, uncles, creatures being lugged towards the "mata" without so much as a whimper from these non-glorious animals. All this just to tell you, how much I respect asses.

I cut the crap, with a better piece of crap, taken from one of my favourite TV shows, coupling.

"Do you know what asses are Patrick? Asses are the human races' favourite thing. We like them on each other. We like them on magazine covers. We even like them on babies. When we're alone we like to scratch them. When there's a fire, we like to warm them and who among us hasn't, in a lonely moment, reached back for a discreet fondle? We love our asses.

When God gave us our asses he had to stick them around the back just so that we wouldn't sit and stare at them all day.

'Cos when God made the ass he didn't say, 'hey it's your basic hinge, lets knock off early.' He said, 'behold ye angels I have created the ass. Throughout the ages to come, man and woman shall grab hold of these and shout my name.'

Back and Blacked Out

2007-03-05T18:52:00.000+05:30

The past 3 weeks have been fun to say the least. The juggernaut would have rolled on, but for a mysterious 'caught and yanked furiously by the balls' cold/virus/whatever sickness which put a full stop on all ongoing and planned festivities. I have again discovered that you can plan and succeed in overthrowing bush or mush, but you can't plan fun, it always backfires.

One such evening was one in which we made our way to Blues in CP, the first day of the JD rock awards. Now, we are plain old 'agrezi daaru from theka' ppl, we still live in the world where if its clearly mentioned 'free entry' then we could at least watch the gig. The waiter knew this and only informed us of 'cover charge' after we had our happy hour beers. In an unfortunate turn of events, we had to leave without even listening to one song. The evening however did not turn out to be a total waste, as we were invited by pre-rolled unclaimed joints on our return to thr hostel. As I said, fun cannot be planned.

I could write more, but then again I am a pretty lazy ass, made even weak by this godforsaken virus/cold/fuckup. The other places I went to were GIR and LH's fest. The former was one which made me feel at ease and the latter , well you know.... its not everyday that you're in the vicinity of 'only' girls and there is so much eye candy, that you become like the kid in the candy store, but with no money.

By the way, try radioverve.com for listening to some awesome Indian Rock and use the port 11000 for a 128 kbps stream.

....I know, this has been a loose post, but I am really not much happy times writer.

95

2007-03-02T16:21:00.000+05:30

95% percent of the people don't realise that 95% of the things are just not worth fighting for, until they find themselves :

under the knife, staring down the barrel of a gun, signing those papers in court, sitting on the opposite side of the bars, vomiting cause of an OD, all alone in their palacial,

you get the message..

Chastity, Fun and Frustration

2007-02-10T21:14:00.001+05:30

Our class had the semester(ly) (that's not a word, but who cares) ritual of the "bookbank". Wherein we get to keep 3 books out of the bank and return the ones we took the previous semester. The whole ritual is laden with sweat and frustration. Starting from the fact that the SC/ST's get 5 books and to add insult to injury, not only are the books we needed in acutely short supply, they were'nt even indexed. So each semester people arrange themselves into "packs" replete with the alpha male or female or shemale in this case. They conveniently hoard all relevant books for pack members and use the military tactics of diversion or animadversion(this is a word, but i don't remember what it means, gre ke samay padha tha).

This sem I decided not to fuss over any book, being the last sem n all. But I still scan the racks to find some rare gem. Eventually, after some bumping, pulling and shoving, I find a book relating to design for test, which would be the topic of my minor project. I get in cue to return the old books and issue the new. Turns out that it is not in the library computer's database, the lady behind the counter would have then proceded to note it in the register. But he "JAT" male clerk shouts that they won't issue it and I should go away. I request once again to be met by the shout turned into an angry scream. And after 4 years in this place, one had already taken so much shit from these buggers that rebellion is always iminent. Of the multitude of swear words I have heard and learnt ;) , I say "Aap bas kaamchor ho, aur kuch nahin". The room reverberates and onlookers watch with stupendous awe. The jat tells me to get lost, I tell him that I have no reason to stay anyway.

Take 2, I decide to make a trip to the Computer Centre. Maybe its just me, but there seems to be a changing of gaurds each time I reach back in college. This time a grand poster was put up on the wall, "No-entry without entry" in the register that is. I try to enter my name, to find no pen. I proceed to head in inside. He tells me, "Ae bhaiyaa, no entry wihtout entry". I tell him, that providing a pen is not my responsibility. He tells me to get my own pen. I am confused and head inside anyway. He rushes at me, with ferocity of a mad pakistani soldier and takes me by the arm. "Aaap Sir ke paas chaloo". Sir, in this case is one of my recommeders for my MS apps, I tell him "Lekin main to Sir se hi milne aaya hoon". He says, "Lekin Sir to aaj ayein nahin hain".

I was ready to take my degree and leave looserville my now, but realise that I still have to spend 5 more months here. I take off for home. Thankfully, my friend calls me and says that he is getting bored sitting at MTNL chanakyapuri, his training orgnisation. We talk about the apathy of sarkari institutions. He also pushes off at and we decide to meet for lunch at Nirula's.

You know what, talking nonsense with friends is the best stress buster there is. After being entertained by my days proceedings, he makes the point that we have only been in this chastity belt for 4 years, but then "bechara" sarkari karamachaari has worn it foe life. Surely that must be reason enough for his taking out his frustrations in life.

And I am taking mine out here, chastity sucks big time.

The time is 9:30 pm

2007-02-09T21:29:00.000+05:30

And I need a hug... :)

Sweet Home Bawana

2007-02-05T21:53:00.000+05:30

Chuttiyaan khatam ho rahien hain, to socho parody bana le thoda aur wakt guzaar ne ke liye.
For the uninitiated, Bawana is a village close to my college and we lovingly call the college itself bawanaland due to its seclusion from the modern world.

All names used are rather amusing or terrifying professors/warden's in my college.

Big tractors keep on rolling
Carry me home to see my kin
Singing songs about the bawanaland
I miss Badli once again
And I think its a sin, yes

Well I heard mister Mishra sing about her
Well, I heard Naveen Kumar put her down
Well, I hope Jagga will remember
A haryanvi man don't need him around anyhow

Sweet home Bawana
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Bawana
Lord, I'm coming home to you

In Birmingham they love the Pabbu
Now we all did what we could do
Now the dahiya does not bother me
Does your conscience bother you?
Tell the truth

Sweet home Bawana
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Bawana
Lord, I'm coming home to you

Now dope gang has got the ganja
And they've been known to pick a bong or two
Lord they get me off so much
They pick me up when I'm feeling blue
Now how about you?

Sweet home bawana
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home bawana
Lord, I'm coming home to you

Sweet home bawana
Oh sweet home baby
Where the skies are so blue
And the jagga's true
Sweet Home bawana
Lordy
Lord, I'm coming home to you
Yea, yea AK Singh's got the answer

If I Could Be Like That....

2007-02-04T17:32:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I feel that I've passed my life just drifting by. Its only now that these feelings are recurring a lot more often. Most of us go through life subconsciously assuming that there is a masterplan after all. That the play has already been scripted out and we just have to act the part.

A few weeks back I turned 21, I started de-empasising these occassions from the past 2 years. But, its different this time. A million of questions have started passing me by of late. And the scene is not exactly what I would have pictured it like when I was still a kid. The kid who used to play ball really well, the kid who used to go and fool around by the river side, the kid who used to be a good swimmer. Things should have been better now, I remember that as a kid, I used to look up to 'cool bhaiyaa's' with whom we used to play basket ball. They had what you would call the 'mojo'.

I could state a million things, but if you ask me to honestly tell you if I was happy with the way things turned out. My answer would be "NO". And this is something nobody whom I know would attest to, my parents are mostly proud. My friends would term me as successful and happy. Many people in college already know who I am because of some score in some test I gave. Many of my juniors would look up to me for advice and guidance. Yet I have failed.

Only recently have I realised that the big buck jobs offered by many of the companies which came to college, the coveted IIM seats or the lure of the great US univs, all are crap in the end. I too became a victim of dogma. But when I chose to follow those roads, I did'nt know what I wanted. So it did'nt really matter anyway. But a vague idea has started forming in the recent times.

I had written a few more lines here, but then I deleted them. There is a lot running through my mind right now. The bottomline is that, I just want to live. And if you ask me if I could do it, if I could make it right. My answer would be "YES". It always seems that there might be a lot to loose, but both, the you and me know that there is never really anything worth keeping anyways.

No Kidding!!!

2007-02-04T00:27:00.000+05:30

Agar aisa hoga to kaisa hoga?
Saw this in HT yesterday, stop grinning, its not funny :))

Rants, Reflections and Ruminations

2007-01-28T17:29:00.000+05:30

As you have probably guessed, the name of the post does not mean much, it might probably be a rant in itself anyway. Its been a awhile since I wrote, its been longer since I wrote well. I used to write well once upon a time and English was and still remains the only subject I ever topped the class in. I lost the gift because I was a lazy ass and took things for granted. I wrote poems and then forgot all about them, I never did make any effort at publishing anything and all my vain efforts at writing elaborate ended in closing MS Word and switching to a shoot em up game.
So here goes another attempt at revival. But somehow, even before I start off with something, its fate is already decided. I already know that I will never be so disciplined to write regularly. But let's hope that this will be fun while it lasts. If you are still unable to pinpoint the topic of this post, then just assume it is some thing like the column Karan Thapar writes in the Sunday edition of the Hindustan Times. Which of course is lambasted by many people I know, but then again, Vir Sanghvi is no prize, is he?

Couple of months back I chanced upon an article written by Sagarika Ghosh, which ridiculed the 'naive' Indian youth, its drinking sojourns and stupid umproductive idealism. Now, if you, the reader of this post has always been the proverbial ' day-schi ' then you are probably not going to agree with me again, but if you have ever experinced hostel life, then you would know what I am going to talk about.

Of Beer drinking and dancing at old bhootbagla's....

When you are at the end of a pain staking bout of a condition known as the ' B.E. ' , certain impulses start running all over your body. All the while you remain, ever so consciously aware of the fact that a hard and uncertain life awaits you at the other end. Friends with whom you've shared toothpastes and shit soaps on dire occasions, are not gonna be two or three doors away. They might not even be on the same continent for all you know. These people who overlooked the fact that you are dumb or queer or fat or lanky or don't use deodarant are going to be replaced by strangers who might not ever get close enough to know you for real. So my point being, that ' So what the fuck If I have a few beers or do something stupid? When are you gonna give me that liberty again anyways? ' And frankly speaking, I have always been suspicious at these journo types. Mostly people who have BA's or MA's (secretly laughed at by all engineers) and consider themselves the definitive authority on all things India is good or bad at. You know what mam, fuck you!!

Of changing the country and US mein MS....

One of my friends, usually and with dollops of sarcasm cites me as example of wealth loss by the Indian government. The claim being that the Indian sarkar spends so much on you and you leave the motherland and reach foreign shores. The fact that many of our batchmates would join german, american or italian comapnies in bangalore is not considered, neither does he consider that he himself is preparing for a career in the IAS. Neither does he consider all the SC/ST freeloaders who are proud of being the mediocre under toe of society and our college. But, what should I stay on for, should I be proud of the fact that nobody in my entire faculty could help me out with my memory design project or had any idea about CMOS Vlsi design altogether, that the basic design tools used in other universities are are unheard of here. That the money sanctioned for research work is returned back to the sarkar unused. Or should I not point out the fact that 90% of the people want admission in some MBA college and the bulk of the people who make it from here, are quota wala's anyway. I really don't have anything against them, my best est friends are from the categories, but I loathe people who assume that a reservation is the walking stick which they have imbibed to be part of their bodies from birth. Heck, I am proud that I am one of the few who actually have decided to pursue a career in the semiconductor industry, I would still be proud at representing my college at the next level....

So take a fucking hike, you self proclaimed protectors of the country's heritage, culture and democracy ,,|,,

And if you are truly a hosteler or have ever been one,you and me both know that the solution of the problem is for us get laid or at the very least get a girlfriend as soon as possible and let sanity prevail. Because all this bakwaas, is just an e version of our vodka ke baad ki bakchodi anyways and just an extension of our unproductive lifestyles.

Feel Good

2007-01-22T13:51:00.000+05:30

Time and again, I've felt low. And time and again, doing the things which I am going to list out, have helped me feel better :

In order of usage/trial.

0. Vividly recall that an unpublished book had the words 'DON'T PANIC' on the cover.
1. Pour an alocholic drink which you really like, no soda's.
2. Make a playlist out of U2, Aerosmith and Queen.
3. Open all the doors and windows (of perception too ;-) )
4. Find a buddy to sing along with. (optional )
5. Remove all chairs, sit on the floor and now look at the stars.
6. Play your songs.
7. Start sipping slowly.
8. You won't need much direction after this... as a parting thought, curse the name of your hostel warden loudly, if you have one and tend to dream of cutting his balls off.

p.s. Don't forget the post below....

An Escape.....

2007-01-21T21:09:00.000+05:30

Its been awhile
Since you let me go
I guess you also know
I've just been killing time
Waiting for the obvious

Now its time to go
We only reap what we sow
I hope you had a good time
Was'nt that what you wanted?

The years passed fast
But I've waited for eternity
And a new beginning, it shall be
Another big word, among many

Thought for the Day

2007-01-15T21:09:00.000+05:30

Thank God, I am sad again, happiness is overrated anyway.

There are jobs, but there is only one Jobs (No typo's here)

2007-01-14T00:15:00.000+05:30

Around a year back, I read the script of the lecture Steve Jobs gave to a group of fresh graduates at Stanford University. On another occasion, I chanced upon the movie which gave light to some parts of the Apple and Microsoft story. Yesterday, Apple came out with its much awaited iPhone, this sent the presses into a frenzy, another organisation sued Apple, Apple dropped the computer from its name and my jaw dropped wide open.

Acquiring that phone is the last thing on my mind right now though. Steve Jobs, is not only of the most inspiring people that I have ever heard or read about, but he is one who sends shivers down my spine and butterflies in my stomach at the same time. He gave us the computer and now he stopped selling them alltogether. He looked deep into future then and once again he reached out and gave us its taste. For me and for the semiconductor industry, this is a strange time of technological turmoil and fear. Things are moving fast in the post Silicon era. And you know what, I have applied to the computer engineering specialisation in almost all of my graduate applications, I may still get a high paying job after that degree. But the aim is not to bag jobs but to become the next Jobs. How this plays out, is the trillion dollar question.

Dream on, till your dreams come true....

Its that time of the year again....

2007-01-12T00:00:00.000+05:30

Its that time of the year again, each year I eagerly wait for the 17th of January, but nothing special really happens. Its the same old,same old, just a year older. I don't really ask for much on my birthday's or mostly nothing at all. This year I am hoping,praying and asking for something, but its not one of those X-Boxes , I-Pods , Sound Systems, neither do I want someone to Pimp my ride(would be neat though).

This year, Oh Baby Jesus, or Jesus in his teens or the manly young Jesus, Oh Allah, Oh "infinite gods of hinduism", I ask for "One Cute Girlfriend". And no, let me be perfectly and crystal clear to avoid misinterpretations. The gift should belong to the set of "all available cute chicks in the human race" and it should definitely not be interpreted as being in the domain of cyberia or any man made invention. I would prefer to recieve this gift, as soon as possible, and if it be rapped in a bunny suit, then I would be even more grateful.

Amen!!

Warm Clothes and blankets for the needy....

2007-01-08T23:03:00.000+05:30

I write this post to solicit advice or volunteers for a warm clothes distribution drive in Delhi, on the 12th of this month. If it goes well we will make more rounds of the same kind.

We are final year students of DCE and have nothing to do this winter, we thought that we might as well make ourselves usefull and give warm clothes from fortunate people like ourselves and give them to the needy. Advice on logistics, collection and distribution and methodology will be appreciated.

The enlistment of cars or human personnel is also needed. We plan a toto of 5-6 cars on D day with 2 ppl teams in each car. We will collect our first batch of clothes and blankets on the 11th.

Help us, help others

and for the record, we do not want to change the world or all that crap, we just want to be usefull.

The wonder years....still counting though

2007-01-07T22:25:00.000+05:30

Was thinking about the number of academic institutions I passed out from, including the ones I passed out in...

nursery--> damn, I don't remember, was somewhere in IIT kgp
Dinshaw Mam --> an institution in herself UKG (MHOW)
Army School Mhow --> (1st) the most prominent memoryI have of here, is when I crapped in my shorts and humiliated myself...but chalta hai
Holy Innocents wellington --> (2nd)
Dewan Public School --> (3rd)
St Mary's Meerut --> 4th
St Paul's Jodhpur --> 5th,6th
MHAC Nagbani --> 7-10th
16 Model --> 11 and 12th

I could write a book on the memories I have of these places, but I guess the roster is enough for now.

Deja Vu :: Lord Of The Flies

2007-01-04T18:00:00.000+05:30

Though not an attempt at poetry, I hope this flows as well as I feel it....

Put your earphones on
Throw the litter out
Pull your windows up
And don't forget the sunscreen

Hope you still remember
What the world smells like
Hope you still remember
The birds,trees and kids flying kites

what? what did you say?

The air isn't clear
The kids are'nt allright
Some died and some just might
I don't think you're wrong
But then again, you are'nt right

Take them off the roads
I agree with you there
But to turn a blind eye
To their desperate glare

And then you say
Its just a syndicate
An organised crime
They are filthy and full of slime

I hope they kill you soon
And eat your flesh as you die
While I watch stunned
I just hope, that I be
The lord, and not the fly

Easy Rider

2007-01-03T00:24:00.000+05:30

A poem I wrote long back.....

Time drifts by easily
And so do I
Its nice to be in the passenger seat
The zephyr is cool and
I see waves on the fields of wheat
I look out ,and it is me by the stream
The water is warm and
I love this dream
We drive the dusk
We drive the dawn
And rest the noon with careless yawns
I meet many people along the way
Some move on and Some decide to stay
I hear the drums beat far away
But I don't even play
I havent reached heaven yet
And Even if I am dreamng all the while
Just let me sleep another mile

Happy? New? Year?

2007-01-01T22:43:00.000+05:30

So you got drunk n all yesterday. Thats what you've been telling everyone right? Before you told me I did'nt really give a damn. Its just that, its not just you, its the other people too. And thus so have I been saying the same stuff....

Frankly speaking, you and me both know, that its not that big a deal. But I am still writing about it, are'nt I. So what's the problem? , you ask.

Well the thing is, that everybody says I'm fine, then why the fuck is it still raining on me?? Even people publicly known to be jackasses had someone with them yesterday. This 'guy', (although I don't think even letting you know his name would lead me to any harm) bumped into me in cp with a 'friend' of his. And that too when I was with my folks. Anything I add further to describe the situation would be an overkill and you already know where I am heading, and the bigger the jackass he is, makes me the bigger losser.

Walking 8 complete rounds of basant lok market and no where to actually go, was not really my idea of a new year celebration. Yes, I did get entertained, No, I still was'nt happy. I was still waiting for that 'divine intervention' as Akhil puts it, to strike. But it did not, it never does, does it?

.....Its a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life....

I've left a lot unsaid, words don't always work....

I Just Wanna Live !!!!

2006-12-25T00:26:00.000+05:30

I've been watching a hell'va lot of Discovery Travel and Living nowadays, part out of the total frustration and boredom of the other channels and part out of my impatience to finally pack my bags and leave. I understand that it might be many more months till departure and I don't even know where I'll be going.

Some other people I know pictures of celebrities of the week. I am not one of those people. From now on I shall start a Destination Of The Week. Hopefully by the time I start earning, I'll have a wishlist of places to visit. Not that I would mind owning an Xbox 360, but hey hey hey, here i go now....

Here Is a list of places, one of which I might be Heading to next fall.

Santa Barbara -- Yeah the TV show!!
San Diego -- Carmen the detective.
Los Angeles -- HOLLYWOOD BABY
Irvine -- Sun & Surf
Austin -- Cowboy
College Station -- Cow Girl
West Lafayette-- In the middle of Nowhere
Stanford -- Dreams!!
Ann Arbor -- Remember American Pie
Carnegie Mellon
Atlanta -- Gand Wars
Minnesota -- Cold!!!!

Flowing peacefully......

2006-12-16T23:30:00.000+05:30

I was wondering of a good title for this post, but my thoughts are about no one thing in particular. So the title has been named after my current state of mind. It has been months since I wrote and its not often that I am peaceful and driven enough to write on my blog.

Writing was the one thing that I was truly talented in, but that was once upon a time. Then 'things happened' and I always started chasing newer goals. I now realise that I cannot change what I have fundamentally grown up to be, while my mind always fancies being the stud, the rockstar or some pervasive hero. The reality is that I am not those things, I might be good at some things but no more than that.

Throughout the ages, I have been known to put my foot in my mouth, both of which are considerably large in size. And I realize that I've always had contempt for the herd, which might be because the herd often does stupid things but also because I never did fit in. But all this crap really does'nt matter.

All this, just to telll you ( whoever you are (howd u get here anyways?)) that I'll be refurbishing this place now. And I just might sneak in a few posts on technical stuff also, lately I've kinda started liking it.

My long hiatus

2006-09-08T22:34:00.002+05:30

Greetings to the world of me ,this salutation is valid as much for me as it is for you.

The last post I seem to have made is on 4th jan 06.though i did write one parody on some celebrity ,it had to be taken down and the name of the blog changed.But the paradigm still remains the same for me.

Life as i had known it,took a weird turn after that......

I got a job offer,a good one at that
I aced the gre
I trashed the job offer.
I did my internship at some semiconductor company.
I got back and took a shitty job and could'nt even sit for some great companies.
I indulged in self deprecation in a very simple freescale interview and thus got rejected.
Was told my seniors that my gre score meant shit.

Also,I am still single.

I am currently in a state of phsycosis ,I am thinking about something or the other the better part of the day.And I am shit scared.

was reading the book ,How Opal Mehta got a life,the other day.
and wondered which out of the two should i aim for in the near future

HAWGIS---how ajit will get into stanford

or

HAWGAG---how ajit will get a girlfriend

somehow i feel the second is tougher and i need to work a lot on that one.

so that pretty much sums up my currently miserable life,the universe and everything

Books

2006-01-04T21:35:00.000+05:30

words used by gopal to end each of his bemusing sentences in his hilarious yet shortlived life in "The Inscrutable Americans".In many ways this post is also similar ,a cumulation of thoughts being written hastily after weeks of e-torpor(internet lethargy).

Hmm...,so where do i begin?

Okay so lets start with some tinned fish,a novel by sudeep chakrabarti, an ex stephanian,a coll with many a high airs in which i had wanted to study at some point in life and one which i like to put down in traditional dceite arrogance,but then thats another story.

Reminiscent of some weird phase in history,a story about some boys trying to grow up ,relatively isolated from the emergency and affected by it all the same.Their struggle to find meaning in their lives ,with some drama thrown in for added effect.A cosmetic sort of childhood it may seem led by sons of rich people.It came close to striking a chord but could'nt quite do it all the same.Makes me wanna write about our life and times too,but maybe i am not arrogant enough :-)

Moving along to 'bringing to the house down',a racy book on how 6 mit students swindeled the casino's of millions of dollars using science,being an engineer you appreciate their heroics and awe at the glamorous way they went about doing their stuff.Being bad at probability i could not really follow how they did some of their more advanced stuff,but they did not clarify it too much allthe same.

But Anurag Mathur takes the cake for making me laugh all throughout his novel.Though not being related to my boring life as such ,this one did strike a chord or maybe it just tickeled the funny bone.

This did not start out as a review of recent literary(reading) material read by me,but seems to have ended this way.

A common undercurrent here is my longing for resumption of our toiling college life after the winter slumber and a deep realisation that the time to act has finally dawned and to be blunt,its make or break time now.I sign off by quoting the eagles in a balmy song ,the name of which i don't quite remember right now.

"...and we may loose and we may win but we'll never be here again......."

Of Things Prfoundly Swadeshi-----Part 1

2005-12-18T15:57:00.000+05:30

What is Indian?
What are the inherent Indian properties associated with someone/something or someplace?

Tough questions, weird infact…..
Here I mention some of the things that I believe,are Indian to the core and when the train of thought finishes you may just start to get an idea of what Indianess means to me.

But, when I say Indian I do not mean desi ,a tem coined by some depressed ABCD’s or Brits or whatever sorry and pathetic souls.By Indian I mean Swadeshi,I mean Bhartiya,I also mean Hindustani.

DTC

The reliable beast which just keeps on tugging its mother load along at a swift pace, merciless to the ones left behind, subsidized to us students ,courteous to the ladies and ever effected by the power lobbies of the blue line operators.

The reflection of lethargic babudom in its conductors is yet another example of its bharatiyata.When 200 people get along without much real (not apparent) difficulty it shows you how accommodating we really are or maybe we are just not confrontationists ,leaving aside the haryanvi jats.

Renegade Days

2005-12-14T21:33:00.000+05:30

Its been some time since my last post and believe me i'm trying hard to shake the post examination laziness away.With no clear thoughts ,but just some recurring feelings,i proceed to scribble some lines.Feelings which are inspirational,nostalgic,wary and sad ,all at the same time.Feelings which may or may not be aptly titled 'renegade'.The source of which is the album rock n roll renegade by the late rock machine,but then hold on,this is not an analysis of music,guitar riffs or speedy vocals.Sometimes I wonder,what i would think of myself and the times ,when would be looking back after ,perhaps a decade or more.Soul searching and an uncertain quest for my own identity.New worlds at the horizon and destinations unknown.An increasing self confidence, always present with the inherent fear of failure.Voicing my own take on life at every opportunity i get but naive all the same.A time of a million dreams and a time for hope.These are the 'renegade days'.

Lakshya Ko Har Haal Mein Paana Hai

2005-12-01T12:05:00.000+05:30

The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. It isn't a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled, but it is a calamity not to dream.... It is not a disgrace not to reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have no stars to reach for. Not failure, but low aim is sin.

Dogbert says

2005-12-01T12:02:00.000+05:30

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

\m/ indus creed \m/

2005-11-30T22:44:00.000+05:30

The greatest that indian rock ever got,these guys were awesome,been listening to them for a month now,they are highly recommded by me.

a review from music mag

It is often difficult to truthfully name someone a 'pioneer' without sounding like the label was thrown in for lack of a better compliment. But if the Indian rock 'scene' was pioneered by anyone, that distinction would have to go to Indus Creed. The third release of the band Rock Machine and the first in their new avatar of Indus Creed is groundbreaking for many reasons. Recorded and mixed in Los Angeles, it boasts of some slick production. It also sees the band departing from their dated '80s pop-rock style towards more wholesome modern rock territory that fuses Indian instruments and vibes whose utility goes way beyond the cosmetic.

Evidence of their refined use of Indian percussion can be found in the opening track Trapped, which begins with a tabla groove overlaid with acoustic guitars and vocal harmonies and seamlessly progresses into some tightly constructed hard rock riffing. The tabla is also used as an ideal percussive foil for the drums on Book of dreams, with the instruments complimenting each other fully without treading on each other's toes. The sarangi is also used to great effect on the bridge of Thrown it all away as the song mellows down after its intense guitar build-up.

Uday Benegal's vocals have considerably improved since his earlier work. He does not try too hard, finding a comfortable range in which his often-overlooked vocals really shine. The poignancy and intensity of Celibate, a dark story of sexual abuse and retribution, is heightened by Benegal's brilliant vocal performance. However, his vocals sound annoyingly like Def Leppard's Joe Elliot on play. Only Zubin Balaporia's classy piano solo rectifies the song, probably the weakest on the album. Fly features Balaporia's beautifully orchestrated keyboard work while his Hammond organ lends a classic rock feel to the tongue-in-cheek Best friend.

The drums could do with more punch in the song, as they sound a little bald in the mix. Maybe that's how they do things in LA... who knows? Jayesh Gandhi and Mahesh Tinaikar comprise a formidable rhythm-lead guitar vanguard. They have definitely grown up from shredders of the '80s hair metal scene into textural players who can still execute a sweep arpeggio or three without any problem while pulling off some delicate acoustic picking as heard on Fly and amid the haunting harmonies of Cry. Tinaikar's solo on Sleep is restrained and melodic, while on Celibate, he lets things go and kicks up some speed solo havoc.

Sleep begins with some very precise guitar harmonics and features Mark Selwyn's sliding bass lines that are often drowned out in an otherwise balanced mix. Selwyn does get some appropriate levels on Pretty child, their best known cut from The Second Coming that received an MTV Viewer's Choice Award in 1993.

Indus Creed deals with varied themes on this album, ranging from philosophical musings about time, immortality, love and loneliness to bawdy punning. Indus Creed are mature lyricists and gifted songwriters who have created a distinct mood of 'Indianness' on the album, without abandoning their hard rock roots. The vibes are Indian regardless of whether Indian instruments are being used. This is probably their greatest asset and explains their unprecedented success in the international arena. Their 'fusion' does not sound like 'adulteration', but like a natural extension of their sound, providing the international rock fan with something Indian but not desi. Indus Creed remains a high water mark in the short history of Indian rock, and provides bands with the inspiration to discover their own sound by merging their culture and their musical influences without sounding pretentious.

A Long Time Coming

2005-11-30T21:54:00.000+05:30

The end sems theories finished today ,30/11/05 took a long time coming.After countless cups of georgia's,nescafe's and scrumptious plates of maggi for keeping on nerves on the edge,the papers are finally over.Studying in my own room was better than i expected,with no one prsesnt to give me a complex.

Another thing that took a long time coming was my 71.5% aggri with an 81% last sem.
The papers did'nt quite let me celeberate and now it seems to be a long time in the past.
After the results of 4 sems i can say that i realise the importance of a good score after seeing both the downer of 65% and the up of 81%.
And that is what makes me really happy

Good Nu's

2005-11-30T21:41:00.000+05:30

Hey,i heard they are making 7 new iits,idiotic colleges are being made iits ,after roorkee and guwahati,the nutcases conitnue their quest.Bhaiyaa maza aa gaya.Before you begin thinking how this might not auger so well for us in bawana,here is some food for thought.After these colleges are made iits,unki aukaad kam ho jayegi,ppl try to relegade us to teir 2 level after this we shall be easily placed above the majority of iits,which is good news.

Also,another thing this guy recently said on kbc that the father of the pentium chip was an iitian,god damn!!!!!!

Every dceite is brainwashed from the moment he gets into college,that a dceite is the father of the pentium chip.By zoysa,that has got to count for something.

They ,Themselves and The world!!!

2005-09-04T14:09:00.000+05:30

I was thinking of writing this piece for quite a long time,here goes.....

Whenever i browse through news channels,looking to refresh myself of the stupid things the people in the world are doing,i get very irritated at the pea brained approach of the news media.
It is the only thing common between the most popular and the most hated news channels.

What is the thing?

Well,to the suckers in channels like Ndtv,znews or whatever sham scam channel,the only news worth telling is what goes on in delhi or mumbai depending on where their studio is located.Things like the number of potholes or the digestion problem of delhi cows surprisingly appear as the headlines.Come the summer months,poor souls who want to take admission in some xyz godforsaken college turn off the tv in vain beacuse according to the news channels delhi university is the only university in India aur baaki sab gaon hai ,so a moronic child will go to an even godforsaken college because it is in DU(serves him right).A couple of days back Mr Vir Sanghvi and two aunties tried to take an official from the airports authority of India,the aunties complained that whenever they come back home from their government funded sham scam US trips they find India appauling oh! woh nange log,bekaar air conditioning .The reply of the sane man was curt "india is not delhi or bombay only",after which he enumerated some 90 airports in India which are also to be looked after.Vir Sanghvi should stick to suggesting gastronomical delights at astronomical prices because whatever he utterred sounded like"blah..,haw...,no...,che chaw....".

If you thought that you might get a respite by watching bbc world and enrich yourself,you are in for a rude shock,if in fact you do watch bbc world,cnn then either you have noticed what i am going to talk about or you are a group member of the ieee parade(refer to my previous article)
Why do we always say 9-11?History has witnessed greater massacres and genocides,but something happens in the US or UK ,it is touted as the worst incident in the history of mankind.Mankind to them consists essentially of the cultured people living in the above mentioned places and a few people in africa who recieve some aid by the same.But what really pisses me off is when fellow Indians talk the same crap.Hurricane katrina is in the news nowadays,1000 people died in iraq but thats normal .Oh! my god "a disco was burnt in los angeles" supllemented by life biographies of the dead but a stampede in dew delhi railway station is not even breaking news on indian channels for more than a day.

The people who ape the west ,also seem to cry at their miseries only,pathetically,Attack of the clones indeed.
And an even pathetic state of Indian affairs.

Jai Hind!!!!!!!!!!

Attack Of The Clones

2005-08-19T20:49:00.000+05:30

The dark side clouds everything! ,the world,the people in it now really do seem programmed.This programming is not genetic or digital it is social.This is the essence of humanity you might say,then well,maybe i have just become a misanthrophe.The problem that plagues the music and software industry ,does seem to plague society as well.The problem is that,there are a very few geniune people left nowadays.I see brigades and armies walking past me,the candy brigades,the saffron brigades,the dope junkies,the dharam rakshaks and countless more.And then there are people like me,the arrogant losers who find it very hard to fit in any such role and who will probably end up standing for something that could very well harm them.When my time comes,all i want to be able to say is that for better or for worse ,i did what i could and i did it my way.Everyday i see the candy brigades,the people with surprisingly western accents,the people who suddenly start to converse in english with the opposite sex,the people who always seem to utter pleasing and sweet words,the mr amazing the ms conginiatlities.Then again, there are the self righteous dharam rakshaks,the saviours of our society,somehow the other mortals always fail to be cultrully sound and somehow they always find faults with evryone.Theres a friend of mine according to whom calling your father dad and your mother mom is the worst insult to indian society for reasons which are so outrageous that you might not believe them.There is also the principle of my college who has banned all western music competitions and diverted all his funds to inculcate bhartiyata among the students by giving all his funds to spic macay.Another breed of people are the junkies,perfectly normal men with amazing intellects wasting their lives,but at least they do it openly,they are not scared to do what they want to.There is a breed of people whom i call the ieee parade,the men and women of which are on a 24 hour fashion show.The people who according to themselves have achieved utopia,they claim to be better than the best,they claim to be all that the others are not.They are the real snobs,the buttlickers who would do anything and stoop to any level to achieve their so called goals.If i even got across 1% of what i feel ,then my job is done.

Let me just summarise by quoting the metallica song:

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
and I know

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No, nothing else matters

Sandals and Socks

2005-08-13T19:31:00.000+05:30

Have you ever worn socks with sandals?
This question would entertain two possible answers:-

1."Of course,what a stupid question to ask."
2."Are you mad or what,do you suppose i am some sort of a joker,what a stupid question to ask."

And the rest of you would say,"what a stupid topic for a blog".Well,don't just switch to another page just yet.

Sandals and socks have become a sort of a trademark of the "special people" who sit in the canteen in the college and have 101 reasons why they flunk their subjects and have a suprisingly american accent.The pretty people,the self righteous people,the hypocrites,the assholes,the slime which comes in pretty cans of different colours.

So when i wore my sandlas with socks the other day,the ordinary folks were more than surprised,i was looked upon as a traitor and would be sent to the gallows if it were some other time and universe.My mother declared me a joker like she always does irrespective of the clothes i wear and anything i do will not change her perception of me.

But then it has its practical purposes too,the dirt and sweat will get absorbed by the socks and not stick to the sandals.And this very fact was my reply to the people and hence i took the middle path,the path to enlightenment.

So ,how do you wear your sandals?

Google home

2005-08-06T16:57:00.001+05:30

hmm...here is my home from a spy satellite

Bad Hair Day!!!

2005-08-01T21:01:00.000+05:30

Inspired from ateesh's post and the happenings around and with me.

1.woke up at 6:15 am eager to start the new day and was ready by 7:30.
2.Started for the college at 7:45 and banged the car into an autorickshaw 10 minutes later.
3.Was shocked,trembling and stammering but still in one piece.
4.Negotiated with the driver of the autorickshaw,called dad who went with him to janakpuri to get the rickshaw fixed.
5.Went to college from there in an 879 with a huge migrane and reached at 11:30.
6.Stood in a line for one hour to get the hostel form and began wondering about the equality of men and women when girls started doing favours for others and using their influence..
7.Stood in the bank to deposit the cash and later deposited the draft and felt stupid and funny that i actually had to wait to give someone money in long scorching lines with people who had digestion problems.
8.Decided to dry off my drenched clothes by having lunch and a lot of bisleri.
9.Ate lunch and was as drenched as before in a matter of 5 minutes.
10.Helped an old man to the workings of the transit hostel to see him being abused later by a gaurd whose lunch was getting cold.
11.waited for eternity .....
12.Stood in mob for 2 hrs to get the hostel allotment slip kinda like the final level in a mario game,the dragon being the fatso clerk.
13.Stole the dragons water,jumped up and down the balcony successfully.
14.Finally got my hostel slip.
15.Waited to get a lift for an hour but later found out that there was'nt any space(what the fuck)
16.Went by dtc which stopped midway to refuel,changed two buses and took one autorickshaw to reach home

hehe

2005-07-28T21:37:00.000+05:30

Haywire Mission Statement!!!!!

2005-07-28T08:22:00.000+05:30

This is a collection of random thoughts which i'd been having for a few days.As the new semester commences,i've been put in a quandry.Where am i?where do i wanna be?What should i do?.

The one thing that I do want to do is, see the world,which led me to take the decision to give the gre.Yes,it is a stupid way to make a decision,but then, thats the only way.Reality is not left far behind and eventually catches up with my daydreaming and then i realise,i am not even a 70%er and it is uncertain how that is going to change,i am not involved in any technical projects,i don't have a rapport withany professor and i don't know how to go about making a tech paper.Hmmm...,then why am i even contemplating this?.Well maybe its because i want to give my self a chance.And as of now i have no clue as to how i am going to achieve any of those goals.It has only recently dawned on me that i am entering the crucial 3rd year and whatever i do now can make or break those dreams.

Parallel processing:

At the same time many more thoughts come up,they might not seem important all the same,but i just can't seem to digest them.One,i did want to play in a band,not for glory,but for fun,the fun and enjoyment that always seem to elude me and i always remain a spectator to those booze parites,the pub hopping.A couple of days back i met an old friend,he used to be a year ahead of me in school,he got screwed and is now 3yrs older to me but one year behind in a godfrosaken discipline.The first question he asked me was how many girlfriends i had.Shock!!!!!!.I asked him why would i have any???He of course had his and was quite popular in his social circles.Who the fuck had said DCE engineers had it good.I realised soon that the combination of the parallel thoughts would eventually lead me to believe that i was a hopeless nutcase.

Open Source

2005-07-24T18:50:00.000+05:30

No this not some boring software discussion,its an even boring way to say that the best things in life are .....not free,but subsidised.A couple of weeks back i started hearing words that sounded like "the half naked prince",after about one week of that confusion i figured out that they were talkin about a new novel being realeased in the chain of the hairy potty series,um...no the harry potter series,pardon me for hurting your over hyped sensibilities.But this is not a discussion as to why a few dumbles got to heavy to carry on any further.As it stands ,this lunatic is of extreme importance to you people and a lot of my friends as well.So ,the book came out 2 days ago ,my friend was cribbing about the price being too high,he would hear none of my conspiracy theories ,as to how the whole series will ultimately result in the destruction of the earth.So i downloaded the darn thing from an irc channel and emailed it to him.And then it struck me,from the latest game,the latest movie and probably the latest anything anywhere is available for download.Ok, so you don't have broadband ,just go to daryaganj on sunday and get the books you want for as much as 50 bucks a copy,the same price which you pay for a latest game in palika market or a software.The europeans and the americans have none of these luxuries of life.We live happily in a subsidised life.An engineering degree for 2 lakhs,an mbbs degree for 3.Free water and electricity to the farmers,cheap books to the economically well off sc/st students,almost free transportation to every student.Then what is the bloody problem,why do we keep cribbing all the time?

i don't know about you,but i wish they subsidised the ipods.

Its a Free Country

2005-07-24T12:35:00.000+05:30

Its a nation as free as any,or maybe the most.Yeah! its my India.The land where cows roam free and dogs puke on your lawn.No, i don't mean to be sarcastic.Oh ! did i mention those wall design made by spitting red pan on them,just awesome,don't worry i am still not being sacrcastic,i really like these things.Why?,why you ask.Well, for one thing you gotta accept the good with the bad,this is the primary reason for my happiness,for i live in a land that is truly free(wherever i may roam,where i lay my head is home).Ok! ok! i'll explain it to you,remember last night you were driving in delhi,the way you normally do,cutting across lanes and stuff.Well thats the kind of things the angrez show on their clips of Americas Most Wildest Videos,yeah no kidding.

It showed your average punjabi driver talking to his wife on the phone while he held up traffic behind,he was also a bit confused on which exit to take from the highway,yeh! sab angrez hamein complex mein dalne ke liye ajeeb ajeeb sign board banate hain,so next he took a shortcut over some muddy area and just when reached his destination,the police came and took him away,our sardarji was very mad,seriously,its not his fault that the roads are the way they are and god knows why people were driving so slowly coz there was'nt any traffic and it certainly is not his fault that they were'nt changing lanes to go faster,i mean come on.This sardarji would have been released the next day,but how did he know that 50 bucks were not enough for the cop,i mean its standard rate in India,bummer! now he's in for a week. On the day he gets out,he's like very hungry and all so he buys a chocolate and eats it when someone comes up from behind and asks him to give a 100 dollar fine for littering,our sardarji was thinking that the guy was a thug so he gave himthe money,little did he know that he was actually breaking the law.

Oh! theres more where that came from,couple of days back bobby graduated in a suburb of canada ,he was new there ,so they decided to throw a party,at around 3 in the night the police came a knockin at his door.Our gabru jawan asked what the matter was,he was shocked to find that the friendly uncleji who had migrated from bhagwara did not like mika's new album, i mean they had had danced to it all night,everybody in punjab used to be happy on such an occasion,the neighbours were always there for a few laughs.

Ah! the land of the free, sadda india ,more later.........

A Blast From The Past

2005-07-05T19:23:00.000+05:30

I've been noticing a lot of things lately......or rather i've been feeling a lot of things,wierd things,the things that make your stomach go upside down but not in a bad way.A couple of days back I was at Nehru Place ,picking up some stuff and then suddenly i hear some voices shouting"Mintyyyyy!!!".
I barely even registered the fact that the voices were calling me by my nickname,mostly people call me by an abbreviation APS.So I turn around to find two friends who went 6 years back.At that time ,I was in a state of shock.I mean could not even ask them anything,like what they were doing or if i could get their number.I had never been in touch with them ,neither had i tried to enquire about them or what they were doing.But they knew everything about me,the fact is they knew pretty much about everybody from that period.I had gone to a really memorable adventure camp with one of them,looking back now,i think .......yeah, those were great times.And by the conversation was over and we went about what we were doing earlier,the feeling settled in ,my stomach went for a ride and my head was so overwhelmed that i locked my atm card as i had forgotten my pin code all of a sudden.That day,i went back into time but like an observer rather than a participant,the summer camp,the school,the fruit orchards in the school,how we used to steal fruits and run away,the army bus and the games of dumb charades we played on it,the archeological explorations on the tawi river by my house,the officers institute and badminton games we played there........sigh.These feelings are precious little commodities,the feeling you get after meeting an old friend,listening to an old song which you had forgotten long back,the old comics you find after you open the trunk after a long while.We used to have a painting on the wall and there was a phrase written on it........

"I love everything that is old
Old books
Old wine
Old friends"

I guess that goes for me too.

Walk of Rock

2005-06-22T23:01:00.000+05:30

If you ever went for that morning or evening walk with your music player you'd know what I am talking about.If you don't then read on.The colony I live in is large by all means,it's a pleasant one at that,widely spaced houses,the twittering of the birds,the dogs walking their humans and its a great place to wander about.Okay! I am all ready now,the music player hung over my neck and an extra battery in my pocket for backup, so lets march out.The playlist starts out with higher by creed and on the middle of it I am in a dream mode,I am the faadu guitarist and the crowd is loving it.But all good things make way for other good things.Okay so the mood is rising,the air is fresh,lets increase the pace.Hmmm..lets scroll over to hallowed be thy name.I am the rythm guitarist and people are watching with awe.About this time I move to the best track of road ,with lots of shade and peace.Hell! I could write about the whole playlist and still not get across my point.The ghost of the navigator follows the trooper and then slows down for a bit of retro in roxette and def leppard,by this time I have started planning to buy an electric guitar and seriously start to practise and forma band and what not.During the whole walk ,I am totally oblivious of the people around me ,the joggers,the dogs,..etc.Metallica brings me into overdrive and look there is hammet and beside him on rythma and vocals is ajit..wow! look at the attitude and scorpions to the slam dunk with rock you like a hurricane.Guess i sorta like the retro stuff more,the scorpions,def lepperds,roxettes.So thats an hour and I am back home.I climb uo the stairs to my house and turn the player off and in microseconds the rock scene ends .

gobbledegook

2005-06-14T09:27:00.000+05:30

gob·ble·dy·gook also gob·ble·de·gook
Unclear, wordy jargon

[Imitative of the gobbling of a turkey.]

i saw the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy yesterday,although i still haven't managed to get hold of a single book by Mr Adams and people look at me as i was from another universe,hey ,maybe i am.
I am sitting in my chair and have put hung my towel on its back,so that i always remain battle ready.By the way , i wish i had one of those improbability devices, they are so really neat.

Vacations are in full swing and as expected i am being able to achieve nothing,so here is a list of the things i am not doing
1. I am not doing any programming
2.I am not studying the art of electronics book that i had sworn to do.
3.I am not reading the technical stuff that any engineer is supposed to do.
4.I am not exercising
5.I am not practising my guitar

Now i will tell you why, although i know that my pathetic existence has no bearing on any of the world's great events .You see that i am very busy in trying not to do any of the things mentioned above that by the time the above task is done , i am too tired to do anyhting else.Oh yeah! you think you can cannot do any of the above things,just try it.

Paradise City

2005-06-04T10:43:00.000+05:30

" Take me down to the paradise city ,where the grass is green and the girls are pretty, oh...won't you please take me home."

I think GnR had visited Chandigarh when they wrote this song, here is why....

These are my summer vacations and so like every summer vacation i went to Chandigarh,it is truly paradise city.The moment the bus reaches the outskirts,I can smell the fresh air ,I can see green grass and of course the pretty girls.Its a great feeling really.I went to sector 17 to buy a pair of sandals,it took only 10 minutes to get there whereas it takes around 40 min to get anywhere decent in delhi.So i sit there and look at the great variety of stuff there,seriously this place is far ahead of the rest of the country,oh look...there's VJ Anushka she looks like a tramp,boy you should have seen her..that tramp.There was also a convoy of cheap looking punjabi studs lurking around,well all i can say is that ...birds of a feather fly together...What can i say about sec 17 well it is more posh,chick then any other place in the country the reason primarily being the pretty crowd ,the cleanliness and thank the lord, a parking space for just Rs 5.It really is a great city for the early bird ,with so many parks and open spaces it makes for a great walk and also the early birds.There is the sec34 market besides my home ,i might have been blind before ,coz this place is a really happening one.People are so ignorant elsewhere,my friends in delhi claim it to be an awesome city.Well if you call a fortnighly rape and murder and the pollution and the annoying JAT population awesome then i could see some reason in your thoughts.

I wish i spent more time here,but i guess this is one of its charms and allure.So when i am anywhere else ,i know that there is a paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

End of Sem Thoughts

2005-05-26T19:52:00.000+05:30

The final year guys said that the four years they spent here were like a whole lifetime.Today I gave my last exam( a training viva) of the 4th semester or half my engineering degree.Two years ....sigh...it was just yesterday ,that i was under severe depression and gave the cee just as timepass and was making plans for dropping a year.It's strange , sometimes you think you are in control but things don't workout and sometimes,when you are down, they strangely do.I guess it would be correct to say that my first sem was very ...well...eventfull.Times have changed and I moved on.For the most part I used to be fighting the good fight but was naive at handling confrontations.I look at some people now, and I wish they'd grow up as well.

Friends, they seem to be around most of the time,but sometimes I wish they'd listen instead of just hearing me.It is strange how some guys help you out without asking a question and your friends have 20 questions always on hand.This, I think is one of the pitfalls of being in a place like this, where every action is the outcome of a train of thought which analyses profit every step of the way,where the only principle one does stand for is to defeat others.This is the "i'll kick your ass" attitude.I wish I don't develop this one too soon.

There is this guy ,he is someone whom your parents would not really like you to be friends with.But I wish people stop commenting on somebody else just because he chooses to live his life his way.It is a paradox really,I have met some of the most helpfull and caring people who would be called slackers or black sheeps .I have also met some of the most mean,devious and manipulative people who otherwise are the pride and joy of their parents,school or college.

Let me put a brake to these train of thoughts by quoting one of my friends,something that gives me confidence in everything I do.He said in context of playing the guitar ,but you'll see it applies evreywhere else in life too.

"There is nobody,i repeat, nobody that can stop you from becoming a good guitarist."

Think of it ,as the way morpheus explained to neo.

DON'T THINK YOU ARE , YOU KNOW YOU ARE

2005-05-22T13:42:00.000+05:30

my thoughts exactly

2005-05-22T09:55:00.000+05:30

it was getting lonely in here,so i thought i'd call some friends over

Battle Highway

2005-05-21T22:12:00.000+05:30

We were sent to replace the fallen ones
Aw we go forth we count the milestones
They say ,"Welcome to the battle highway"
Snow clad pines and the winter sun
Wait a sec,"This could be heaven"
As far as the eagle eye, there is noone-no one

Welcome to the battle highway

Walk the glacier falls ,walk the border run
Cold night,frostbite ,the enemy gun
Another sound from the many ones
Ones's that claim redeem the soul
Others take the harsher toll

Welcome to the battle highway

Men without sanity are men without fear
And then suddenly we stop to hear
Help me man, save me lord
A bullet goes through, thats the reward

Welcome to the battle highway

A man goes still the third of the hour
Less die by the gun or the mortar
And this highway is very long
Death is right but the pain is wrong
A battle is won ,one of many
Welcome to the battle highway

catch 23

2005-05-21T20:14:00.000+05:30

It might be a crazy train of thoughts for Heller who came up with the book,probably inspired by a lot of coffee or whatever gets him high.But enter the gates of hell ( read dce) and you'll know where the inspiration came from.I now start a series of similar situations to the book.

Episode 1 : Transit To Madness

For all of you who might not have guessed it by now read on.You see around every two months or so ,the inhabitants of bawanaland have to make a pilgrimage to a place far far away.Alright , this mystery writing is not my thing.My pilgrimage is usually for some work like paying my dues or getting somehting signed from the office of the devil.

cold room,silence all around,fat guy eating ,black guy sleeping ,lady waiting for a chance to run away

I ask the fat guy(read devil's secretary) if he could spare me a minute.He looks as if he saw a ghost or maybe he just looked like one.I told him that I needed to get the devil's signature on some documents.He promptly replies that such ghastly acts of kindness are not conducted there and gets back to eating his....well whatever it was .He tells me to come back next week.I tell him the college is closed next week and the next financial year starts,and that i need to get this done as early as possible.This was an act of courage or well blasphemy on my part, I soon realise that I have no chance at all now.The fat guy tells me to go to the 3rd official on the 666th floor at the office at the end the world,and that they'll know what to do.I had been fearing this all along ,I had alreadymet them and they wanted the devil's signature in order to be able to serve me( now i get why hell is not really supposed to be coolest the place to be in).I tell him that they referred me to this office .In one gigantic out burst of emotion he says"they are wrong,what do they think i am free, i have important work to do".You know this might be hell and all but these guys have egos too u see, he promptly tells me to first get it signed by the 3rd official on the 666th floor at the office at the end the world.Have you ever solved two equations for x ,y and z ,then you'll know how I might have felt.In hopelessness i retreat (i will fight another day)

Atchung baby

2005-05-21T12:06:00.000+05:30

After much cynicism by myself and the curiosity over the fuss made by people over blogging i decided to join the club too.It might not be futile all the same coz my english is certainly not getting better by using it in bawanaland.

Here are some of the recent happeings in the world around me:-

The eggjams got over yesterday , so did the platefulls of maggi and aloo ke paranthe.My eternal battle of the bulge must thus have to be renewed with vigour.

The guitar caught up rust in the 3 weeks it stayed in utter neglect.I must change the strings, it has been over a semester now.(i need to practise as well,coz i suck!!!)

Yesterday i was faced with some really tough decisions wether to watch a good movie on Tv,sit on the net or listen to some great music or go to sleep and wake up after 16 hours,i ended doing everything and nothing.It was great !!!!

till the next edition of my world online,adios!!